I am not manic-depressive but my moods are anything but stable.
Today? Way down. Why? The weather (rain). Maybe. Disappointment? Perhaps. I am an amateur prospector and some rocks I brought back from an outing have disappointingly little gold (that I can find) in them. Brain chemistry? Yes, brain chemistry.
Today I try to think about positive things to jar me out of this funk but there is no effect. I continue to stare. Thoughts I have about stressors bring over-reactions in my head and with my body. I’ve come to recognize these and some other indicators that my depression is physical or organic in origin. Sure its raining but please, staring at a wall because of a few drops?
Motivation is all but nonexistent. I have a million things I could be doing right now but I’m flat-lining emotionally. I’m a goal-oriented person so being in this kind of mood is especially boring. I’m surprised I’ve picked up the pen to write. The dishes are piled up, the car needs to be repacked for camping this weekend, I’m leaving things where I put them and I can’t experience excitement.
I want to go to bed but I have a commitment with my son to watch a mystery series. I’d do anything to be able to just go to bed and “sleep it off” until tomorrow.
I hope tomorrow is better.
It may be, it may not be.