Looking For The Real “Me”

My first blog post, called The Tenement, compared my mind with a building and two characters representing my “I” or conscious part of the brain as the manager and the “child”, or subconscious, living in the basement, running amok.

Let me now introduce a third character: The actual “owner” of the building – the real or spiritual self. That’s the one who knows it all and watches with amusement, the drama that unfolds in the daily lives of the other actors.

I believe this is the part of us that is God – or at least, a piece of God (or the Universe – pick your metaphor). This part of us sees things as a whole, not as different parts and has a bird’s-eye view of everything all at once because there’s no space/time in its view.

Everything is (there goes “is” again) because there’s no judgement and no here and there etc. It watches with love and empathy as the “I” interprets the world through a multitude of filters laid in place over time and with experience – since the day it was born. It’s world is literally an inside-out of what it thinks.

The real “I” is under no such delusion.

The filter or groups of filters are the juvenile in the basement. Completely unthinking and reactive to pure programming. It’s the one that sends the signals to the “I” to sound the alarms because you don’t like that person or to feel bad about yourself simply because you don’t understand that person. It’s a world bereft of logic.

What a team the “I” and the guy in the basement make. It’s a wonder we can brush our teeth. Actually, having autopilot makes it possible to brush our teeth without thinking every minutia of the process out every time. I suppose there is some purpose to this design after all.

But getting to my point: I believe I am barely aware of who’s really behind all of this being human and the divine. The “God” in all of us is that hunch or that voice or that first feeling you get as a reaction to something. It knows right from wrong. It knows the end and the beginning of our stories. It loves us. It is love.

I wish I could connect with “it” more closely. Meditation or the act of suspending thought is supposed to be one avenue. Ever try not to think? Ever try to “be” in the spaces between thoughts?

Not withstanding meditation, for today, as a self-help exercise, I’ve tasked myself with checking myself every time I feel anger – which is always. I then put my mind into neutral and I try to experience the world through my real self.

For a few seconds at a time – I believe I can really see.

Practice makes perfect.

Published by ldinlove

I am an eccentric blogger and artist. I currently live off-grid which makes for some great stories. :)

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