The lockdown is a new concept for most people because of the pandemic. I read a lot of stories about the depression, suicide, and boredom that seem to accompany social isolation and I think I know (kind of) what’s wrong with me.
Wrong – that word insinuates that I’m broken so let’s try again: “up” with me.
I spend a lot of time trying to get to the bottom of what’s up with me and after becoming familiar with other’s reactions, I don’t feel like I’m as different as I thought.
A few years ago, we moved away from a suburban life to living in a rural part of our state on raw land. It turned out to be so interesting I started my first blog after spending the first year trying not to freeze or melt to death Stories From Off The Grid.
But I also went from seeing other people every day with neighbors and a HOA (from hell) to going days without leaving our property. That’s still pretty much how things are and it’s taken a toll. Like most transitions, I wasn’t aware of the effect being isolated was having on me but it showed.
I became lonely and still am. Now, with the pandemic, I’m seeing others go through what I’ve experienced for the last three years. It’s not easy. I love my privacy but I’m a social creature like we all are, no matter our varying degrees of antisocial tendencies.
I miss the friends I left behind and have had a difficult time connecting to people out here for too many reasons to go into. My husband is the most entertaining person I can think of ever having to isolate with so thank God for that but sometimes, maybe often, I miss interaction – connection with others.
We’ve discussed it and have come up with some possible solutions but we never seem to follow through with them. Thankfully, I have the biggest backyard I’ve ever had in my life. It’s my dream backyard with as much dirt as I could ever want to dig in (I’m not kidding – I love to dig) and I love nature which we are abundant with.
We have a farmer’s dump on a hillside that has given us hundreds of hours of curiosity fulfilling collecting and the stories I could tell about our adventures here – wait – I’ve already told them. I bought a keyboard and am relearning to play the piano badly and there’s always my writing.
Writing is my lifesaver. It connects me with others across an invisible realm that I believe connects us all. When someone reads my words – a part of me knows it and is grateful.
Perhaps most importantly from a social standpoint is the Internet. It’s my connection to the world. But there are times when it really hits me – I have very little contact with other people in-person anymore. My social life is sort of an illusion but isn’t it already that to a certain extent with the advent of technology?
We’ll be in the market for a new property – this time with a house and electricity – within the year and I’m looking forward to moderating a sense of privacy with a healthy dose of socialization.
For the time being, however, the rest of the world is with me in this trend and I feel a little less alone – and a little selfish – for relishing the idea that it’s not just me any more.