The Imposter Is Me

Remember how, at the end of the movie The Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis finds out he’s been dead all along? Can you imagine the shock of finding out something about yourself that is a total game changer?

I had an epiphany yesterday.

I realized for the first time in my life that I am an imposter.

I’ve been reading about the ego for years and I always saw it as a characteristic or part of my personality but never as me – myself – in my entirety or what I perceive as my entirety.

I’ve been listening to a book called The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle, an English spiritual advisor. He suggests the ego is like or is an entity of sorts that is completely separate from our real selves, and that it has convinced us it is us.

Is my personality, the one who’s favorite food is chocolate chip cookies, some sort of freeloader that has taken up residence with the higher me? Apparently it likes to keep the fridge stalked with anger and drama and will attract those types of energies to survive. Hence my behavior.

Try to get a word in edgewise with your ego. Can you stop your internal dialogue for more then a millionth of a second… ? See what I mean?

The ego seems pretty rude so far – almost sociopathic. Let’s see – it craves attention of the bad sort, thinks it’s the center of the universe, likes to manipulate, isn’t what it seems – sounds pretty close so far. And talk about needy.

It is easily threatened because it wants to maintain control (sociopath!). It likes the status quo and you’d better believe I’m not ready to “disappear” to make way for something I’m not the least bit acquainted with. That’s terrifying because I’m comfortable with the way things are, even if my current diet is less than ideal.

I’m intrigued though, with the promises of joy and peace that come with connecting with my spirit. I am told my higher self doesn’t need justification or explanation. It doesn’t need to judge or be judged, compare or be compared to, or to achieve in order to be complete. It doesn’t need anything – it just is.

The ego lives in the future and past in order to feed off of the negative emotions that result from our worrying about what might or has already taken place. The ego shuns the Now, for to live in the moment or be present, is to deprive it.

Supposedly, you are most identified with your ego during moments of intense emotion such as rage. Don’t I know it. When I’m in a rage, I’ve found it impossible to separate myself from the fury. I’m it and I have a death grip.

It sounds like I’m basically a sociopathic four-year-old. That sounds about right.

According to Mr. Tolle, once you have grasped these concepts, the exercise is to then observe the emotions and thoughts of this being as if you’re standing aside and looking at it.

By becoming the observer, one defines themselves as being separate from the ego.

The negative energies that result in depression, anger, anxiety and the accompanying behaviors are transformed into positive under scrutiny. As the smoke clears, you’re able to begin to connect with your higher presence. I’m seeing this as radio interference that diminishes as you turn the dial and tune in to your favorite station – you.

This all sounds crazy but I believe every word of what I just wrote. I’m going to have to dump myself in order to trade up.

I wonder how I’ll handle the breakup?

Published by ldinlove

I am an eccentric blogger and artist. I currently live off-grid which makes for some great stories. :)

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