Responsibility

Where does self accountability and responsibility for oneself begin and end? How much belongs to others?

It revolves around free will or choice, I believe, but a good portion of our choices are motivated by conditioning or come from the subconscious which in turn may be influenced by our genetics. Those aspects of ourselves are largely out of our control without practice and therapy.

I believe that what we think we create or attract so when “bad” things happen or unsavory people cross our paths, is it our own fault? I have a historical propensity to fight for justice when I see others abusing their authority. I like defending those who have been wronged. I’ve often prevailed.

I love a good fight but only when I feel it’s justified. I wonder if this tendency is drawing these people and situations to myself?

I am surrounded by horrible neighbors. It’s been this way since we moved across state about three years ago. For the first month after we moved in, an elderly couple lived closest to us then they left to live in an assisted care facility and the neighbors from the depths of hell itself moved in.

On the other side, a couple seemed cool at first but soon red flags began to show through in the wife and within months, I broke off all contact with her. My reasons were good. I haven’t missed them and keeping our distance has been a much better option than tolerating her behavior.

Then a third person moved in that turned out to be a relative of the family from hell and it’s been an us-against-them situation ever since. These people are obnoxious and threatening. We have done nothing – ever – to step on their toes except react to repeated violations of our right to live in peace.

A fourth family moved in last year and things have escalated; so much so that we are moving to get away from the area altogether.

Am I ultimately responsible for this mess on an energetic level? Do I have a hidden penchant for drama that I’m subconsciously feeding?  I’ve caught myself feeling shame over the matter but is that fair to myself? Am I taking on too much responsibility for a really random occurrence? This is like a supernova of bad relations.

How is it that we’ve managed to land so deep in a circle of especially nasty people? I’ve considered how these are just other human beings and I’ve questioned my judgement of them. But the things they’ve done border on harassment in legal terms, and if we were to sue them, we would clearly win in a court of law.

What bothers me more than they’re behavior is my own culpability. I’m having a difficult time with perspective and I can’t shake the feeling of guilt I have.

Where does my responsibility begin and end here? Will this pattern continue wherever we go? I’ve had issues with neighbors before but not on this level. Do I have a microcosm of misery built in to myself that travels with me and if so, how do I throw it off the bus?

How much is my fault and how much is theirs or am I missing the point altogether by focusing on blame? Why should this be about who’s responsible? Maybe there’s no right, wrong, or burden of guilt.

Maybe this is another case of “it just is”.

Published by ldinlove

I am an eccentric blogger and artist. I currently live off-grid which makes for some great stories. :)

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