I once told someone: “no one wakes up one day and says “‘I think I’ll fuck up my life'”.
Do you know anyone who would voluntarily do that? I don’t.
Sure, environmental influences figure in but give me a break: we are made up of the literal elements of the earth, we are subject to the laws of physics and therefore, our physical beings operate in accordance to and are subject to chemical processes. Right?
In my recent studies of how am I this way, I’ve read a lot about the subject but I don’t need to read a book to know that certain chemicals make me feel certain ways – like – happy? That’s where addiction comes in as no surprise.
You feel like shit and you take something that makes you feel happy, satisfied, content, engaged – alive. Either its by way of self-medication or by doctor. Does it matter?
When it comes to some “professionals” on the subject, where’s the disconnect? It boils my blood to read some of the “opinions” I’ve read about how over-prescribed antidepressants are lately and how brain chemical imbalances don’t exist; but to the first point, I agree.
I gained upwards of fifty-pounds within the first few months of going onto antidepressants only to be told it was my fault and there was more. Screw them. I’m trying to figure out how to do this naturally at this point.
I know what it’s like to wake up and not want to wake up. I know how it feels to wake up only to have every event overwhelm you and make you want to run away screaming to a dark place and never think again.
I know what it’s like to wake up flat-lined. Day in and day out, no matter what you do or think. You wonder what you perhaps did in a previous lifetime to deserve this. You come to realize this is how it’s always going to be – then…a little of something forbidden and your brain wakes up.
All of a sudden the key is turned and you see color, you hear in stereo, you think in four dimensions: you lift your eyes to heaven and understand.
Because of a chemical.
Who then, has the right answer? I believe – no one.