The Library Of Babel

What if any story or thing you could possibly conceive of writing about  already exists?  The Library of Babel is a website that has every combination of 3,200 words or less, in English, that contains just that. But what if we take it further and consider whether any and every conceivable reality already exists?Continue reading “The Library Of Babel”

Split Personality

I love myself.                                               I hate myself. I think I’m smart.                                         I’m a fucking idiot. I see and understand the truth.                   God sucks. Life sucks. I suck. Everyone sucks. Hate and rage are a waste of time.             I hate, I resent, I want to break something. Good alwaysContinue reading “Split Personality”

Chemicals And The Brain

I once told someone: “no one wakes up one day and says “‘I think I’ll fuck up my life’”. Do you know anyone who would voluntarily do that? I don’t. Sure, environmental influences figure in but give me a break: we are made up of the literal elements of the earth, we are subject toContinue reading “Chemicals And The Brain”

The Monkey On My Back

It’s more like a gorilla, to be honest. The thing that sits on my shoulders like the proverbial devil, and whispers thoughts into my consciousness and influences my mood and emotions – won’t go away. It has a firm grip on me. It is my master. I am helpless to it’s instructions no matter howContinue reading “The Monkey On My Back”


Where does self accountability and responsibility for oneself begin and end? How much belongs to others? It revolves around free will or choice, I believe, but a good portion of our choices are motivated by conditioning or come from the subconscious which in turn may be influenced by our genetics. Those aspects of ourselves areContinue reading “Responsibility”

Paying Attention

I’m familiar with mindfulness techniques but they always sounded sappy and ineffectual; diluted. Being a hot sauce, dump-the-whole-box-on-it person, I never gave them any serious thought. Mindfulness – the word – even sounds feel-goody. But I’ve changed my mind due to some recent moments of clarity. I’ve noted a connection between mindfulness exercises, mental habit-breakingContinue reading “Paying Attention”

Like Broken Glass

I feel fragile right now; transparent and easily cracked. Like a well-engineered glass sculpture or building that has been compromised, I need to close temporarily for repairs. Less than a week ago, radicalized Trump supporters overran our nation’s Capitol and threatened our Democracy like we haven’t seen in our lifetimes – nor have our Grandparents.Continue reading “Like Broken Glass”

The Imposter Is Me

Remember how, at the end of the movie The Sixth Sense, Bruce Willis finds out he’s been dead all along? Can you imagine the shock of finding out something about yourself that is a total game changer? I had an epiphany yesterday. I realized for the first time in my life that I am anContinue reading “The Imposter Is Me”


The lockdown is a new concept for most people because of the pandemic. I read a lot of stories about the depression, suicide, and boredom that seem to accompany social isolation and I think I know (kind of) what’s wrong with me. Wrong – that word insinuates that I’m broken so let’s try again: “up”Continue reading “Lockdown”